I have to preface this post by saying that it’s somewhat of a rant. You’ll be able to tell after reading this, but I’m getting pretty tired of seeing stupid stuff in the gym I work at. The majority of the clientele are upper-class males with desk jobs. I love working with my clients, and I love educating them on what will help them not only for their short-term goals but in the long term also. For those of you that are flying through the gym solo, I want to help you, I really do, I just need you to forget everything you thought you knew about fitness and exercise and take this journey with me. You’ll be glad you did! Here are my tips:

1. Use Compound, Multi-Joint Movements

Stop doing curls and kickbacks, you’re wasting your time. Exercises like squats, deadlifts and inverted rows use more muscle and give you a bigger bang for your buck. Contrary to popular belief, training like a body builder will not make you look like one.

2. Train Standing Up

You sit for 8-12 hours a day at work, so get off your ass! The seated chest press is the most ridiculous piece of equipment you could use, yet you use it every single time you step into the gym. You sit at your desk, at the lunch table and at the bar after work, hunched over the whole time. Then you get on the seated chest press and train the same muscles that increase your hunchback, all while further shortening your hip flexors? In fact, you should be doing every single exercise with impeccable posture (ears over shoulders, shoulders over hips, hips over feet).

A Typical Desk Jockey

3. Pull More Than You Push

You already walk and sit like a Neanderthal, you’re only making it worse by bench pressing, chest pressing, doing chest flys and training your chest in general. Pulling exercises will get you out of the hunchback position and help you to stand more upright throughout the day, and throughout your life.

4. Think About Your Own Ass…

…Not the scrawny woman’s butt with the booty shorts on the treadmill. You have no butt, and it’s making your back pain worse than it should be. Your glutes are the biggest muscle in your body for a reason, use them correctly, they need to do work!

5. Crunches and Sit-Ups Are Making Your Back Pain (Present or Future) Worse

Despite what you might think and feel, crunches and sit-ups will accelerate spine degeneration. “Feeling” the burn is just as stupid as the ever-so-popular “muscle pump.”  Your 200 crunches also contribute heavily to the hunchback syndrome I mentioned earlier.

6. Your “Functional” Exercises Are Stupid, Unless You’re Training For Cirque Du’Soliel (Then You’re Just Awesome)

Waving dumbbells and juggling on the BOSU (yes, I see this on a weekly basis at the gym I work at) is all worthless. Watch yourself in the mirror and actually SEE how stupid you look. On a side note, the people that seem amazed by what you’re doing are really thinking “that guy looks like a dumbass,” just so you know.

7. Face It, You’re Fat

Stop blaming the cafeteria food, water retention and “bloat.” You’re overweight, your diet sucks, and your workout sucks. Stop kidding yourself and put some effort into your training sessions. If you can read while you’re on the treadmill, you’re not working hard enough. If you can talk on your cell phone while you’re riding the bike, you’re not really working out. You’re overweight because you’re not putting any effort into your training.

I try to remind myself, that for most of you, something is better than nothing. However, it’s my belief and my advice to you that if you’re going to invest your time into exercise you might as well do it right and make it worth your while.

Thanks for reading. End rant.

JN

Jaison Naiker is a personal trainer in the Seattle area. If you're interested in reaching your goals and getting REAL RESULTS from your fitness and strength program, contact him right away!

Jaison has blogged 32 posts here.